Snoring Beauty
by The Emmanator
Summary: Kagura is placed under a spell and is stuck in an enchanted sleep. So only her true love can save her. Yeah, true love…okay. [KaguraSesshoumaru “Sleeping Beauty” spoof]
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Another materful Fairy Tale spoof from Skittlez. Hooray!

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Snoring Beauty

Part 1: Because Falling Asleep is Terrifying.

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When Kagura came into the world at a sprightly 20 years old, there was a huge party. (For which she was happy because her "dad" bought a bunch of alcohol, and she was not yet old enough to get it) He was _actually _throwing a party on account of he finally got the whole-asexual reproduction thing right, not for Kagura since she wasn't all that important.

Lots of people came, princes and princess, kings and queens, ducks and duchesses' fairies, nymphs, everyone from everywhere, but one fairy was not invited.

And oh boy, she was PISSED at that.

So to extract her revenge on Naraku for not being invited to his huge party, she flew in (UNINVITED) and cursed Kagura.

"A year from tonight…this woman will prick her finger on a flower and FALL ASLEEP!"

"…That sounds absolutely fucking terrible, I'm _so _terrified…" Kagura muttered sarcastically.

"I wasn't finished you stupid bint!" she snapped. "And you will not wake up until your one true love kisses you!"

"Can I pick my own true love?"

"NO!"

The fairy zoomed out of the party cackling wildly.

"I guess I'll just have to avoid flowers from strange men then?" she asked.

Naraku wasn't fazed. "God Kagura, you're alive one day and you're already doomed."

Kagura rolled her eyes angrily. "It's YOUR fault! You're the one who didn't invite her to your party!" she accused.

"Shut up or I'll have you killed, I can replace you LIKE THAT!" he said, suddenly another person sprouted from Naraku's flesh, she looked about nine, with pale skin and long white hair and black eyes.

"Oh! I always wanted a little sister," Kagura remarked.

Naraku glared at her. "I'm going to sleep."

Kagura mimicked him as he walked up the stairs and then once he had disappeared from site, she patted her new sister on the head and went to her own room.

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A year had passed. She had definitely forgotten about the fairies curse and suitors ("strange men" as Kagura called them), were practically lining up hoping to get her so they could become Kings.

Kagura accepted their gifts and rejected most-if-not-all of them. She had made a couple of friends in the course of the year, and they sat there watching her reject man-after-man.

"Send some of them my way, woman!" one of the men whined.

"Jakotsu, I have a feeling they don't swing that way."

"They might swing both ways for all you know!"

Kagura took the bouquet of flowers from the nearest suitors, not being careful as she was talking to Jakotsu. "I don't think so- goddamnit!" she cried, pricking her finger on the thorns of the rose she had grabbed.

The man walked away, his job was done.

And Kagura fell out of her chair in a dead sleep, landing on the ground with a most-graceful thud.

"Oh crap…" Jakotsu's companion, a younger boy with long black hair tied in a braid, muttered.

"WE DIDN'T DO IT!" Jakotsu shouted, grabbing his friend and running.

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A/N: …I know, I'm crazy. And I changed a lot from the Sleeping Beauty story, but that's okay. 


	2. Chapter 2

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Snoring Beauty/Sleeping Ugly 

Part 2: By ONE True Love, I'm Quite Sure it Means There's only ONE of Them

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Jakotsu and Bankotsu explained the situation to a rather giggly Naraku, he didn't seem to mind at all that his first "born" had fallen down practically dead about an hour ago. He retold the curse to them and explained how she would be woken up, but was not all that concerned. 

Jakotsu and Bankotsu shrugged, they would have to take things into their own hands they supposed.

So they took Kagura's limp body.

"Damn, this bitch needs to lose some weight," Jakotsu groaned.

Bankotsu grumbled and they finally found a little hut, convienantly it had a huge lush bed in it.

"I wonder who lives here?" Jakotsu asked curiously. "Well, then it'll be their problem- lets dump her off and go find Inuyasha," he added with a wicked grin.

As they left the forest, they ran into Sesshoumaru- the aforementioned Inuyasha's older, sexier, princely-er half brother.

"What are you two goons doing out here?" he asked, deadpan as always.

"Well, you see, Naraku's daughter pricked her finger and she was cursed so now she's dead," Bankotsu explained.

"She's not _dead,_ she's asleep until her true love kisses her."

"Who's her true love?"

"I dunno, Bankotsu…lets find some guys and see if they wake her up."

"I think we only need one guy, Jakotsu. What do you think Kagura's perfect man is like?"

"Tall…handsome, charming, suave, strong so he could take out Naraku…. Mou…Bankotsu?"

"Hmm?"

"I have an _idea…_" he said, giving Sesshoumaru a look that thoroughly disturbed the silver-haired prince.

He whispered in Bankotsu's ear for a moment.

"We think you might be Kagura's one true love."

"I'm not," Sesshoumaru said with a kind of cold insistence.

"Let's just go try anyway!" Jakotsu said, grabbing Sesshoumaru and attempting to drag him to the shack where they had left Kagura.

They finally forced Sesshoumaru to the bedside of the sleeping Kagura. By this point, Kagura was snoring loudly.

"I thought it was supposed to be a death-like sleep…" Bankotsu said, confused.

"Who cares?" Jakotsu said.

Sesshoumaru stared at her for a minute.

"I'm not kissing her," Sesshoumaru said flatly.

"Why not!" Jakotsu whined.

"Because she's snoring, also- in the .000000000000001 percentchance I am her true love, she'll wake up and think I was trying to take advantage of her while she was dead…" he explained rationally.

"Yah…that sounds like Kagura. But that proves it!"

"…What?" Bankotsu asked his companion.

"He's never met her, yet her knows exactly how she'll react to the kiss of her one-true-love."

Finally, Jakotsu got impatient and shoved poor Sesshoumaru on top of the sleeping princess, and by the tiniest of chances, his lips grazed hers for hardly a second, he was attempting to get off of her when her crimson eyes slowly opened.

"YOU FILTHY PERVERY!" she screamed, her hand flailing, looking to smack him. Then she looked around. "Hey…I'm alive. Who are you?"

"Sesshoumaru," he said coldly, having just avoided the bitch-slap of the crazy wench who was supposed to be his "one true love".

"And you woke me up?"

"Yes."

"So you're my 'one true love'?"

"I suppose that's the case."

Kagura thought for a second and then nodded, getting out of her bed.

"How long was I asleep?"

Jakotsu looked at his watch. "Oh…an hour or two."

Kagura studied Sesshoumaru for a long minute, and then grabbed his arm. "Well, Sesshoumaru, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"If beautiful friendships begin with someone trying to bitch slap me and calling me a 'fucking pervert'…I don't want anything to do with 'beautiful friendships'," he replied dryly.

"Well, the script calls for a kiss and a 'happily ever after', so we could at least try to be friends."

"I'm not kissing you, I don't want to be slapped."

"Damnit, don't be so fucking stubborn about it!" she snapped, sounding irritated. "How else are we going to defeat my no good father?"

"Let's not and say we did," he replied coolly.

She grabbed him gently by the hair and pulled him to her, kissing him quickly then walking a few feet ahead.

And they lived happily ever after.

"Why do you keep saying that?" Kagura asked the narrator.

Because its how the story is supposed to end, so don't ask questions.

**The End**

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End file.
